The Plan

It amazes me how much one sweet little baby, asleep 75% of the time, could bring about so much contemplation, repentance, and faithful desires to my heart. katelyn really does seem like a piece of heaven, sent here in sweet innocence to remind me of so many important concepts. One in particular, if you don't mind me sharing- is when I look back on her delivery, I had a plan. I understood what was going to happen this time and had checkpoints in my head of how it would all play out until Katelyn's grand entrance. I knew it would be uncomfortable and rough during some of those checkpoints, but I was optimistic, determined, and hopeful. Then as labor began to progress, I found my checkpoints challenged, new obstacles arose- and I felt immense, unanticipated pain. Even if I didn't want to go through with labor, there was obviously no going back. Nothing worked to numb the pain- but I also knew I wasn't alone. Jason was there holding my hand, and boy I gripped it HARD. Those last 4 hours of labor truly felt like eternity. But in retrospect, such a small point of time- and so inconspicuous to the magnitude of joy and love I felt from my sweet newborn as a result.

What a perfect parallel it seems, to our mortal existence.

I'm pretty sure that in anticipation of coming to earth I formed a plan of action to prove myself worthy of exaltation. Determined that even though earth life would be hard, everything would happen in such and such a way, I would do this, I would do that... and then, mortality came upon me. Weakness, sickness, tribulation, temptation, fear- so many things which upset the simpleness of the plan I anticipated climbing so steadily on. It feels at times that I am in so much pain all I want to do is cry out in agony, while re-evaluating why I made the choices I have to put me in such circumstances. Knowing, like it or not, there is no going back. But knowing also, if I grasp HARD the connection I have with my Father in Heaven, I'll get through it. And oh what all-consuming peace, joy, and love- more exquisite than can be imagined, is waiting for me at the end. I understand that now. And how earth life will seem a spec in the spectrum of eternal life.

Katelyn's labor and delivery was difficult, but she opened my eyes and my heart, and gave me hope. MUCH needed hope. And through her, God blessed me with a taste of what the future will be like. I just need to keep on pushing. :-)